Spring Training 2012 Visit and the Post Spring Training Visit Depression!

The Best Spring Training Visit Ever!!!

My flight departed San Jose California at 9:45pm on March 22nd and I arrived In Scottsdale AZ at 11:30pm. I am beyond terrified of flying. I get extreme anxiety before take off and landing almost 99% of every flight I am on. There is something about flying to see Anthony that makes all the anxiety worth it. When I arrived in Scottsdale, Anthony was there to pick me up and take me to the hotel. It was almost midnight by the time we got to the hotel and he had to be up early in the morning for baseball so, we didn't get to spend a lot of time together. (BOO!) On a happier note me and the hotel pool got a lot of bonding time and my super pail white skin got a much needed tan. On March 23rd I got Ant and I some tickets to the Giants night game vs the Rangers. It was a blast! Ant probably wasn't thrilled to have his evening consist of baseball after a full day of it but, he was a trooper! :)) For a couple days Anthony's mom, dad, and little brother decided to drive to AZ to see Ant play some baseball. It was so great seeing them and getting to spend time with them. It had been a while since Ant's family and myself  had seen him play baseball so, it was such a treat to finally be able to watch him play. We even got to meet Ant's House family From Asheville North Carolina. They were the sweetest couple and I could tell they had a special place for their hearts for their "Aggie" (Anthony). Last year when Ant was in North Carolina I couldn't make it out there to his games so, his house family took tons of pictures and made me an Amazing picture book. It meant so much to me. I have been feeling guilty for not being able to be there for him last season in NC but, now I feel much better knowing that he had such great people around him, looking out for him, and capturing these moments I had missed. I am always surprised of all the great, amazing people I meet in this baseball world. After Ant's family left I got to spend some quality time just catching up with Ant. I truly missed those uninterrupted moments where we can just talk and be with each other. My visit to Spring Training ended on the morning of March 28th. I dread goodbyes but, who doesn't. This goodbye was harder than ever because, I don't know when I will be able to see Ant again which made leaving 100 times harder. I am the type of person who gets tears and sad when talking about goodbyes and leaving each other (I am getting emotional as I type this). I arrived at the airport and hugged him goodbye trying to hide my tears behind my sunglasses. My flight left at 9:45am and I arrived at 6:30am because Ant had early work that morning. (note to self: never ever arrive to a departing flight from the one you love early...) All I could think about when I was sitting and waiting for my flight was how can I stay longer and never leave. I never convinced myself to ditch my flight home and I ended up getting on my flight. (BOO!)

My Babe!

Giants Game!

A night out With our Baseball Boys!!!

Post Spring Training Visit Depression:

After visits and getting on Ant's schedule it is always hard to re-adjust back to my life back home. I feel like there is not a second, minute, hour, day, week, or month that goes by that I don't challenge my decision to be long distance and to not travel with Ant on this amazing baseball journey. Of course I am my own person with my own goals and priorities but, life is much better when I am with him. I find myself lately never really happy,  just going through the motions, and wanting time to fly by. But, That is no way to live life.  I feel like a part of me is living in depression because, I can never really find the happiness I feel when I am with Ant. It sucks but, I know that nothing can and should replace the happiness I feel when I am with Ant because, that is a special happiness. Maybe I just need to be happy that I have found my person in this world that makes my life 100 times better.  Anthony's little sister Milan texted me on my flight home from AZ telling me that she made a decision to quit her high school softball team because, it just wasn't making her happy and she was getting really discouraged by it. That small but, oh so meaningful text got me thinking about how important happiness is to a persons health. I replied to her and told her how happy, and proud I was of her for taking control of her life and happiness. Then I told her how strong she is, and how much I admire her for her courage. I  thought How can someone much younger than me already be so strong and passionate with their life and happiness? I wished I could be more selfish with my happiness and my life. Milan really inspired me to not worry about others, or what others think I should do, and just to worry about myself sometimes and do what makes me happy. I am a very self-less person. I put any one and everyone before myself, and I am constantly doing what everyone else wants me to do. So, I have decided to take charge of my life and my happiness like Milan did and do what makes me most happy. So, after I accomplish my goal of graduating college this Spring I am going to go be with the one person who makes me most happy- Anthony. Life is way to short to be unhappy and sad.  I hope these next 2 months fly by and I become a little less depressed and a little happier!!

Thanks Milly!! 

Love you

xoxox-Steph!