Thursday, July 7, 2011

I just had to repost this blog entry by Mei Fong girlfriend of Shawn Halton because it really hit home with me.  It was posted on July 4th!

Selfish Is As Selfish Does

Written by Mei Fong, Girlfriend to Shawn Halton

There are a lot of aspects to this 'baseball girlfriend' lifestyle that I'm not a fan of. The distance, obviously, but there's also the time-difference, the flocks of mindless females, the numerous holidays/birthdays we don't share together, the lack of a sex-life 8 months out of the year (yes, I said it!!), the lack of a planned future/stability.... But one issue in particular has been shoving it's way into the forefront lately.

Thurman's career is unstable. That's not the problem, though, that's just our life. It's second nature to me by now. But, that instability causes issues. Every day has a huge question mark hanging over it. Is he going to be sent up? Sent down? What if he gets injured? (Knock on wood...Knock on wood...Knock on wood). Will there be a tornado warning today? Is it going to rain? How's the wind blowing? And then, there are the games. Ohhh the games. And the aftermath from the games. I mean, talk about taking work home with you.

Add in external problems from relatives, fatigue from bus trips, and a low income (for those unlucky souls who didn't get a gigantor signing bonus), and you've got yourself a perfect storm of stress. It's really no wonder why so many athletes spend their free time diving head-first into a bottle...or five.

While I understand and recognize the stress he's under, AND the fact that his career is obviously our priority, the reality of my situation is that my life still goes on. I have my own problems and issues - separate (*gasp!*) from baseball or our relationship.

I am a nurturer by heart. I want to make sure that everyone is taken care of before myself. That means, within our relationship, when I have a problem or a need I always find myself at a crossroads. Do I tackle the problem solo (I am woman! Hear me roar!) and spare him the unneeded stress during the season or do I "selfishly" ask for his help/advice/ear because I need my man in my corner?

He's selfish because his career demands it of him. I get that. But there are days I would like to be selfish, too. That I would like to be able to have a girly, needy moment or discuss some life stuff with him despite the fact that he's tired or that he's hungry or that he's on the bus. But this is my life. Every time I have a thought or emotion, I seem to automatically check Sean's schedule. My life revolves around a sport I don't even play.

If something dramatic happens to me between the hours of 2:00 and 10:00pm, there is absolutely NO reaching him. He is at the field. And, after the games, he sleeps for at least 10 hours per day (I'm in a relationship with a grizzly bear). So there's really only 4-5 hours of his 'awake' time that I have to discuss any girlfriend/couple/life issues with him. I am on my own 80% of the time. Yay me.

I don't mean to complain. Well, yes, I do. This life sucks sometimes. Especially when you're in the middle of making a huge decision and do not have an option of talking about it with your man. So, sometimes I want to be selfish. I want to call him at 9am just because I'm up and want to talk and why wouldn't he want to, too? Sometimes I can't help but blow up his phone during the game because I need to share something with him. Sometimes, after a double-header, I am going to fight with him because I'm mad, and NO, it cannot wait until after you've played at least 4 innings of The Show or order a pizza with the guys!!!! Sigh.

But, if/when I do those things, I feel bad. I feel like I'm adding one more huge bullet point to the laundry list of things he has to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Why can't I just cope with everything on my own and save him the added headache? I am woman. I can do this. I don't "need" him. I've got this on my own. But SHOULD I HAVE TO? I am in a relationship, after all. And this all comes with the territory. Ahhhhh the vicious cycle. Which came first? The baseball season or the crazy girlfriend?

Baseball hates other-halves. This is not a sport that is kind to a family life or a committed relationship. And I am still, obviously, learning the ropes and hoping and praying that minor league life is as bad as this ride gets. On a day-to-day basis, I try to balance this Cool Girlfriend vs. Evil Girlfriend UFC-style cage match that happens in my over-worked brain. I know I'll get there eventually, and try to stay sane in the meantime, but HEAR THIS BASEBALL: I'm not going anywhere. This life is set up for all of us couples to fail. You TRY to drive us women crazy, but I've already chosen this path... so, you can take your extra inning games and your nine-hour-long bus rides and your intentional hits and my Sean's exhaustion, and you can shove it. I will take it all in stride and come out the other side a salty veteran with savvy to spare. No matter what, I am here to stay.. even if that means I have to compromise and be understanding until I turn blue in the face. And, for those moments when I can't and won't stop myself from being selfish? I'll just make sure and send up an extra prayer to bless my precious man with a little added patience that day and call it good :) 


  1. Mei is one of my close girlfriends -- this is a link to her personal blog:

    I think you would enjoy it!

  2. You're welcome! I noticed you followed me a couple days ago but I didn't see your comment till tonight. It was sweet, thank you for that :) It's definitely nice to know that you're really not alone when it comes to this type of relationship. It can be a bit of a roller coaster ride for sure but I'm glad that I'm finding more baseball girlfriend type blogs. I think it helps to have each other for support! And you live in San Jose? I'm from Fresno, not that far away.

  3. yesss!! i live in San jose! Fresno is not too far from me! thats cool that we are kinda close unlike our boyfriends lol!